In the magazine business, the Back Page is where you’d find all the weird goofs that we couldn’t fit in anywhere else. Some may call it “filler”; we prefer “a whole page to make terrible jokes that are tangentially related to the content of the mag”.
We don’t have pages on the internet, but we still love terrible jokes — so welcome to our semi-regular feature, Back Page. Today, we take a seat outside the cafe, place our cigarette case on the gingham tablecloth, light up a dainty smoke, and compose an ode or two while sipping a minuscule coffee…
You may not be aware, but 17th April is International Haiku Poetry Day. As the name suggests, this means you’re more likely to bump into examples of this beautifully succinct form of poetry, and with its Japanese heritage aligning nicely with Nintendo’s, we thought it a fine idea to ask Nintendo Life readers to submit their Nintendo-themed haiku for a celebratory round-up.
The deadline quickly loomed, but several of you have penned some real winners. Below you’ll find a handful of the very best submissions, plus a sprinkling of musings from our very own Ollie Reynolds — check out the quote boxes for his highest of ‘ku.
Missed out on getting your verse immortalised in webpage article form? Well, that’s what the comments are for. Feel free to add your own compositions below if inspiration strikes and you can’t help but express yourself in three lines of five-seven-five syllables respectively.
Ready to relax with some short form? Let’s scroll…
First, Munchlax expresses an opinion.
Pilotwings Resort
Beats out Mario Wonder
I die on this hill
Arm cannon ready
Visor set to combat mode
You will lose, Ridley
With the first of several submissions, hippydave explores the depravity of a recent article title.
Now Nintendo Life
Allows headlines that say “arse”
The true fun begins
Fizza recalls the tension of a Pokémon encounter.
a Shiny appears
you have forgotten to save
joy and stress wash in
Balance board set down
And my body is ready
Wait, I weigh how much?
Here, CaleBoi25‘s determination is captured at the start of a Splatoon 3 match.
Fight the battle now
Now or Never! Give your all
In the last minute.
hippydave returns with a familiar feeling.
Mushroom Kingdom blues
Someone kidnapped the princess
Feels like deja vu
An old CRT
A plumber with a red cap
The magic begins
CaleBoi25 signs up for a second quest.
The Hero of Time
Seven years lost to the fates
Found at journey’s end.
Fishface Jenkins III continues on the Zelda theme with a trove of treasures which we’ll keep together:
Zelda fights in Smash
In open-toed boots with heels!
Not the safest choice
Well done, young hero
This Spirit Orb is now yours
Goddess, keep him safe
Other towns are fine
But I love this tranquil place
Lurelin’s for me
Hestu says to me:
“Would you like some more shield slots?”
No, I never block
Master Sword, wake up
Your battery can’t die now
I’m in a tough fight
I’m too badly hurt
I think this is the end…What?
Thank you, Mipha’s Grace
And NL’s own Jim Norman couldn’t help taking inspiration from TOTK:
Give him your support
Or President Hudson falls
Sign me up, my friend
Lifting a strange rock
“Yahaha” comes from the ground
Prepare the rockets
A gamer at heart
And he captured many more
Thank you, Iwata
Diogmites considers the joys and pains of gaming.
Thrilling challenges
I want to play forever
But my buttocks ache
As we all await The Game That Shall Not Be Named™, CaleBoi25 gets in the mood.
Trampled underfoot
Amongst the bug warriors
The Hollow Knight Fights
Oh no, a zombie
And I’m just a Jill Sandwich
Lost in a mansion
This one from *checks notes* Ollie Reynolds chronicles the struggles of finding a good lead image for a Pokémon article:
Got no decent lead
So if in doubt, Pikachu
That’s all better now
AJM59 muses on the interminable wait for official word on Nintendo’s next console. Missing a syllable in the middle line, but we do love a ‘lo’…
The patient waiting
Finally here, Switch 2
And lo, fun is had
We’re waiting for news
And we can’t think of a name
So why not Switch 2?
Fishface Jenkins III is back for an encore.
“It’s-a me!” he said
I showed him in. “Here it is.”
Please just fix the leak
And finally, this from hippydave tickled us.
Nintendo haiku
Something about Mario
Is that good enough?
Many thanks to those of you who sent submissions, prizes for all! And indeed, they are the most valuable rewards we can offer — our love, respect, and admiration.
What do you mean you’d rather have eShop credit? Blimey.
Feel free to let rip with your poetic prowess in the comments. Throw in a kigo or two if you want to really impress us. No, there’s no eShop credit up for grabs, just our love, respect, and admiration. Happy Haiku Day, everyone.
