The Oddest Things My DND Players Have Tried To Seduce

Summary

• My players try to seduce anything, from monsters and doors to artifacts and bosses.
• Half the time it fails spectacularly; half the time it makes the best table stories.
• As DM, I sometimes must say no, but I savor the chaos and weird creativity.

Whether or not your players have decided to play bards, it’s pretty common in Dungeons & Dragons for players to try to worm their way out of trouble in unexpected ways, including seduction. From big bads to non-anthropomorphic monsters, there are plenty of oddball things that my players have tried to seduce instead of fighting.

I’m all for the expression make love, not war, but sometimes, a DM has to put their foot down. If you don’t believe me, I’ve put together this list for proof. These are some of the strangest things my players have tried to seduce in a Dungeons & Dragons game.

An Intellect Devourer

Smart Is Sexy

For those not in the know, an Intellect Devourer is a creature that’s pretty common for low to mid-level combat encounters in Dungeons & Dragons. The creature, however, is really nothing more than a floating brain on legs. It can’t really speak, and will try to quite literally devour your mind.

I guess smart really is sexy, as during a combat encounter with one of these creatures, a player of mind did try to flirt with it to convince it to avoid devouring its intelligence. It did not work, suffice it to say. But I think the effort was valiant.

A Door

Knock Knock

Let’s face it, there’s really nothing more frustrating than getting locked out of a room in a dungeon. It’s easy for players to get annoyed, knowing that the Dungeon Master probably has something amazing locked behind it, whether it be treasure or a cool combat encounter.

However, at the very end of the day, a door is a door, and therefore an inanimate object. That didn’t stop one sly bard player of mine from trying to convince me that, because they belonged to the college of creation and could bring magic items to life, they should be allowed to try to seduce the sentient door. It proved for an interesting roleplay encounter to say the least.

A Mimic

Great For French Kissing

The Mimic is one of the most iconic creatures in all of Dungeons & Dragons, but just because something is iconic does not mean you should try to fall in love with it. For those who don’t know, Mimics are treasure chests that spring to life when prodded and attack.

However, when I showed a player an image of the Mimic, they were surprisingly smitten within minutes. They tried their very best to woo the creature into letting down their guard, but wouldn’t you know it, the Mimic turned out not to be interested. Rejection is brutal.

Strahd von Zarovich

Not That I Blame Them

For those who have played the Curse of Strahd module, or are just fans of vampire content in general, you’ll likely be familiar with the most iconic vampire lord in all of Dungeons & Dragons: Strahd von Zarovich. This guy really is the ultimate can fix him, in my opinion. But players, you have to know that Strahd von Zarovich is basically a walking red flag.

Many players have tried and failed to seduce this powerful vampire while playing through the module. Sorry, players, for those in the know, it’s pretty clear that Strahd’s cold, dead heart belongs to another already. Though perhaps you might be able to turn his eye slightly.

Any NPC They Can Find

The Most Classic Seduction Technique

This next target of seduction and romance is probably one that most Dungeon Masters are familiar with. Frankly, my players tend to want to try to seduce anything that moves, but nothing quite captures their heart like a completely undercooked NPC that I’ve hardly put any time into preparing.

Whether the NPC be a random shopkeeper, tavern maid, or even just someone they bumped into on the street, nobody is more alluring to them than an NPC that I haven’t even really named. Many times over the course of my career as a DM, I have seen random shopkeepers become a romantic endgame for my players.

Xanathar

Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Beholder

During a particularly interesting playthrough in Waterdeep: Dragon Heist, I had one cunning rogue attempt to woo Xanathar, himself. Not only was this rogue interested in joining the roguish leagues that Xanathar oversees, but they seemed particularly interested in being a little more than friends if you know what I mean.

I don’t judge. Love is love. But, I have to say, when it comes to villains in the Dungeons & Dragons universe, Xanathar himself was certainly the last creature I expected one of my players to attempt to woo.

Vecna’s Hand

There’s Someone For Everybody

Technically speaking, Vecna’s Hand isn’t even really sentient. So, when I used this incredibly powerful item in a particularly chaotic one-shot, I really didn’t expect anyone to try to fall in love with a hand removed from its owner.

I mean, sure, Vecna? That, I get. He’s powerful, he’s influential, he’s a knockout. But, just his hand? I’m not really sure I know where this was coming from. However, trying to justify a natural 20 seduction roll on the Hand of Vecna proved to be one of the most unique challenges I’ve ever had to do as a Dungeon Master.

The Big Bad

Please, No

Last but certainly not least, in the same vein as seducing every single NPC my players can find, they also love to try to ruin delicately balanced and carefully plotted boss battles by attempting to woo the big bad I’ve been planning for weeks or sometimes months. Look, ultimately, Dungoens & Dragons is about creating a story the players will love, but shouldn’t I get to have my fun too?

There’s nothing more out of pocket or shocking to me than watching a player attempt a Charisma check to seduce the big bad of the campaign. Especially when the big bad has proven themselves to be a less-than-desirable partner. I mean, c’mon, guys, you can raise your standards a little higher than that, I think.